Please Note: Engraving from earlier practice session as the scribe had his tablet stolen during the actual race.
A Day at the Races
Clearly anticipating the nature of the race to come, Speedus Sneekius sprinted away from the start line, skimming the outside wall all the way. Meanwhile havoc was being wrought behind him. First Bicarus, then Crassus, were weaving wildly about, looking for someone, anyone, to attack! Crassus nicked a couple of the other charioteer’s teams, before in turn, suffering the crushing attack from the scythe blades of Anon Too’s chariot, which cut all four legs from Crassus’s right-hand horse. This set the tone for the rest of the race, with chariots weaving back and forth alternately attacking and evading attack, while all the time, Speedus was steadily opening his lead, all the time skimming along the outside wall. Indeed some of the crowd began to wonder whether Speedus had a wheel stuck in gutter!?
The back of the field was very hotly contested, almost as if the race lead didn’t matter at all!? Crassus, having now cut his dead horse free, set off in true ‘Steptoe & Son’ style, lashing out at any passing chariots and indeed starting a small whip collection! Bicarus appeared to be a man possessed, darting from one side of the track, to other, attempting ram anything coming remotely within reach. Maximus seemed to be suffering from the weight penalty of a rather violent back-seat driver!
In a final attempt to close with Speedus, Colarnium was tempted into a rash piece of cornering and was severely punished, by a dramatic upending of his chariot. Colarnium, despite being dragged around the corner, succeeded in cutting himself free. However, as he rose to his feet, to the rapturous applause of the crowd, Anon Too callously ran him over!
The last leg of the race saw a very dramatic twist of fate. Speedus was dismayed to survey the motley crowd of chariots waiting ahead of him, all cruising up the last straight, just itching to try to stop his victorious sprint down to the finish line. Clearly something then snapped in Speedus’s head, as he found himself in the unfamiliar territory of the middle lane, going too fast. However, rather than brake, he lashed his team faster and faster. The resulting crash saw the chariot hurled almost 50 paces along the track! The crowd went quiet, “Speedus is done for” they cried. However, this crash was either a moment of madness or pure genius, as the startled, bloodthirsty backmarkers, were dismayed to see Speedus being dragged by his thundering team, straight past them all!. Indeed, so stunned were they, that not one of them could get remotely close to the dragged form of Speedus, as he swept onward, to the finish line, in this rather undignified manner! Speedus slithered over the finish line, very dusty, but suffering only a few cuts and bruises!! The most dramatic win in years, although the stewards are now looking into whether the deliberate jettisoning of a chariot should be an offence under the Circus Maximus racing rules!?
Colours & Drivers:
Green – Speedus Sneekius (Chris)
Purple – Aardvark Maximus (Chris)
Blue – Arsus Major (Sean)
Yellow – Colarnium (Colin)
Red – Bicarus Lotticus (Pete)
Black – Crassus (Jim)
White – Anon (Alistair)
Grey – Anon Too (Kieran)